The Accidental Multi-Tasker, Morocco, and 4 Years of Saving My Own Life

The fact that this blog is even hitting your screen right now is an absolute miracle.

At the start of the year, I set a nice, sensible goal: write one blog post a month, starting in February. I put fantastic effort into that first one. But then, in typical Chloe fashion, I got wildly excited, had another great idea, and started a second blog. Fast forward two weeks, and I had four different blogs on the go.

The whiplash was real. One day I was writing deep philosophy about attachment and God; the next, I was detailing stories about how I
nearly died in active addiction. It was a lot. So, I took it back to basics, kept it simple, and now – finally – here we are.

Welcome to the Dark Side (We Have Life Lessons)

I spend a massive amount of my time thinking about creative outlets, especially writing. It’s a fantastic tool for me, and I thoroughly enjoy connecting with people who are like me.

How do you know if you’re like me? Well, let me ask you a few questions:

*Have you ever been to the dark side?
*Do you often struggle with the sheer insanity of your own mind?
*Have you grappled with addiction?

If you answered yes, then we’re the same.

Although I still struggle with the above regularly, I feel immense gratitude to be in the position I am today. Once upon a time, I was so far from the person I wanted to be. I could see her in the distance, but I had absolutely no clue how to get to her – I kept hitting the same brick wall – until I changed my life and embarked on the biggest, yet most rewarding, fight of my life (sobriety). Today, I’m happy to tell you that I am much closer to the version of myself I see in my minds eye. There’s still a long way to go, but I’m getting there.

This space is going to be all about that journey: traveling, sobriety, and the messy life lessons we learn along the way.

The Secret to My “Dream Life”

This year, I’m hitting four years sober, which honestly blows my mind.

A lot of people ask me how I managed to get into the position I’m in now – travelling the world and working online. They look for a complex strategy, but the answer is incredibly simple: sobriety and kindness. That’s really it.

Sobriety + Kindness = Living up to your potential.

When I got sober, I started to actually live up to my potential, and other people noticed. They saw that I was reliable, trustworthy, (yes…still a little crazy) – and with a spark that burned brighter than ever within. Then, I happened to be kind to a stranger. That stranger turned out to be a wonderful mentor, teacher, and beloved person in my life who hooked me up with a really cool career that I am now incredibly passionate about (dream job!).

One of my favourite things I’ve gained through travelling is the voice inside my head that says, “You can do anything you put your mind to, Chloe.” That voice wasn’t always there! It was built through taking risks, facing challenges, and learning that I’m capable of far more than I ever thought. Do you have a dream – or want to change? Let this be your reminder: you are stronger than you realise and I believe in you.

The Highs, the Lows, and the Road Trips

This year has already been a whirlwind. I started in England for Christmas and New Year, popped over to Ireland for a quick work trip, and then came to Morocco.

Originally, I only had five days planned in Morocco. I always knew in my gut that something was going to happen here, but I wasn’t prepared for what actually came – or what is happening right now.

In the middle of all that, I took a brief three-week trip to America, which was really fucking cool. As someone who works a 12-step program, I got to dive headfirst into the recovery rooms over there. I even took a solo road trip up to North State Florida to visit the Temple of the Universe, founded by Michael Singer – a man whose book profoundly changed my life. It was a journey about learning to let go, and it was incredible. And most excitingly, I got to re-connect with Aubrey who I met in Thailand, who kindly invited me to her wedding. Oh – and I spent 24 hours in New York, insane! I think I should live there one day 🙂

Driven Insane by the Present Moment (And the Need for Routine)

Now, I’m back in Morocco, and this is where the real work happens. I love living in one place, but I hate it at the exact same fucking time. It drives me insane.

Why? Because when I stay still, my mind starts racing. I keep thinking about everything else I could be, or where else I could be. And if I dig underneath all that noise, I find the same old culprit: fear. The fear of not getting something I want, or the fear of losing something I already have. Here is where I must remember to focus on being, rather than becoming, and trust in Divine guidance. This is also a good time to mention: I love this place, the people I have met, and the moments I am experiencing. At times I feel like I’m in a movie and it’s safe to say life will never be the same.

I’ve also realised something lately: staying in one place right now is exactly what I need to achieve my goals. I haven’t quite sorted out the whole balancing act of travel yet…or life for that matter! When I’m moving constantly, I get totally imbalanced. It becomes a vicious cycle of *start, stop, start, stop*, and it doesn’t help me be responsible. I need a little bit of routine to anchor me right now. (Or maybe I’m just being lazy and can’t face packing my bags every three days? Ha! Who knows.)

Either way, the stillness is forcing me to grow. Case in point: I’ve taken up Muay Thai and Pilates.

Can we just pause for a second and appreciate the difference between my Saturdays four years ago and my Saturdays now? Four years ago, Saturday night meant crazy antics. This past Saturday night, I was sweating it out in a Muay Thai session. Talk about a crazy little side quest! But it’s helping me achieve exactly what I want to do.

I like this little life lesson. A few years ago, I constantly forced situations. I would have white-knuckled it and manipulated things to make it happen. Now? Muay Thai just naturally drifted into my life because I stopped fighting the universe. How many other things can blossom naturally if I cease control and surrender my will?

During that session, my teacher told me something that made me think. He said:

“Instead of trying to identify all the things you think you want to do, just identify the things you don’t want to do“.

When you draw a line and say, “I don’t want that” you cross off the distractions and at the same time stop chasing and controlling situations. Look, you don’t need to know every detail of the future, but you can eliminate what does not serve you and remain open to a whole new, massive world of experience. You let the world bring to you the things you aren’t even sure you wanted yet, and can marvel at the magic of life. This felt like a gentle reminder the best is yet to come, if only I can step out of my Will, and back into the Divine: it has never failed me…

To You, Wherever You Are

Look, I’m not going to go into massive detail today. I really just wanted an excuse to connect with you, say hello, put pen to paper, and let you know what’s going on. There is so much more to come, and I have loads of random projects in the pipeline that I will achieve.

But most importantly, I just want to look at you and remind you of something: Wherever you are on your journey, please never forget how badass you are. Whether you are still trying to put down that drug or alcohol of choice, or whether you are fighting this monster one single day at a time – you are amazing. This thing sends people to the grave. It is no joke. I want you to know how incredible I think you are, and that this is a journey you are not alone on.

My door will always be open to anybody on this path. Showing people that change is possible, and walking right beside you through it, is my biggest mission in life.

I don’t know where you are in the world reading this right now, but please know I am sending you so much love and support. You are special. Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You’re doing great.

You’re going to hear a lot more from me soon. Will you hear from me next month? Yep.

Until then, much love.
Chloe