Just Let Go and Celebrate it ALL.

Hi my friends,

I hope you’re keeping well on your journeys.

This was not the next piece of writing I intended to submit, I am currently in the minefield of writing that one, but I feel so inspired to talk with you: so talk with you I shall 🙂 I wrote half of this in Morocco a few weeks back, and the other half from my hometown in England, where I’m catching up with family, friends and my OG sobriety circles. It’s been quite intriguing to watch the thread of my thoughts come together over the last few weeks!

But firstly, I want to say a really lovely thank you again for the hype and encouragement you guys are spreading to me with these blogs. It inspires me to keep putting ‘pen to paper’ and it’s a lovely feeling to know my words in return – inspire you! Thank you. It also serves as a blissful reminder to stop waiting for perfection and to push beyond fear – if I stay stuck there, then my words cannot be delivered to you – and I really do believe there is nothing more useful I can offer this planet than helping others on their own sober/clean journey. So let’s keep going!

What’s going on in England?

I can no longer deny the discomfort I’ve been experiencing. And to discuss that with you: I’d like us to take a minute to PAUSE and think about this: the less plans we make, the more exciting life is.

What do you mean, Chloé? I hear you say: “having plans gives me something to look forward to, to be excited about”. Yes, that is true… but do you not feel that when we over-plan… the exciting, unknown, flow of life becomes restricted? I find it more thrilling to not know what my future holds, than to know.

Ain’t that a paradox? The less we try to control the outcome, the greater it can be. The less we try to force things, the stronger the feeling of divinity. The less we hold on to the things we love, the more genuine it can be. I can often lovingly water a plant to death.

I have recognised that these last few months, I’ve been so desperate trying to keep hold of the way things are that I am unknowingly sucking the joy out of my life. I’ve been trying to maintain, build and mastermind my life – all with good intentions – but the consequence has been a state of tension, anxiety, and fear. Just Let Go and Let God. I have to stop trying to fix and control the inside, and instead focus on having a peaceful inside.

Sobriety side note: this whole controlling business is a danger zone for an addict. The intensity of these feelings can become so overwhelming, that a quick fix to “take of the edge” can become attractive. A huge part of my sobriety is regularly reminding myself to hand over my life and my excellent plans to a power greater than myself… but it’s really difficult for me to do that: coz I do a pretty damn job at making things happen! I’ve got skills, attitude and determination and an inner critic telling me that if I want a great life then I better damn work for it…. the intention is right, BUT I’VE GOT IT WRONG.

THE TRUTH IS. All I have to focus on: is doing the right next thing.

Do the right next thing: and the greatness of life will come. In being kind and loving – I am able to recognise it in others. In giving – I receive. In forgiving – I am forgiven. In taking responsibility for my actions – I’m not running around causing havoc in peoples lives and instead I’m spreading love and joy. In admitting my faults – I step out of ego and into humility…I welcome love. THATS when life can blossom and bloom. THATS the sweet spot. If I can put my head on the pillow knowing I gave my best at maintaining a healthy inside rather than fixing the outside: then I’m good. There’s not really much that can hurt me.

In order to win, I have to surrender.

You see, I’ve been so focused on what I’ve got going on in the outside world, that I’ve neglected my inner world.

What did I want to say in Morocco?

Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty excellent shizzle going on in the outside. My body is healthier than it’s ever been, I’m learning really cool things at work that I’m proud of, I’ve progressed in surfing and I’m sooo blessed with the experiences I have in Morocco (in fact: I have the absolute pleasure of having beautiful connections in Morocco that teach me about kindness, acceptance and love: these really do work wonders for the inside). And there ain’t quite like having a late night tagine with the lads to fill the heart with joy!

But you see….Sometimes I forget to be humble enough to set realistic goals and targets that I create my own downfall. I create monumental yet unrealistic goals (classic) that are difficult to achieve and manage, and then I feel crap.

And I’m done with that. Because I refuse to feel like less of a human being because I didn’t hit my target.

Of course, I’m not going to be a pushover with myself. I still want to grow! I still want discipline. I still want to take care of my body, my mind, and my life. I want to see my full potential and I’m going to show up and give it my best.

But I am recognise I 100% my full value regardless of what I achieve.

Got money in the bank? Still whole. Got none? Still whole.

Didn’t hit 10k steps? Still a whole human being.

Didn’t read enough? Still 100% complete and worthy of love.

In fact, the love I am worth never left.

With all these huge targets, I forget to notice everything happening underneath them. The small wins that create the big wins.

Agreed, sometimes we have to lock in with extra discipline. Sometimes we have to push beyond what feels comfortable (props to my coach Danni who tells me to push TF with that last rep even when I’m whinging no). Sometimes we have to silence the fear and JUMP.

But sometimes I don’t give all of that. And THAT. IS. OKAY. too.

Because there are still hundreds of tiny decisions happening throughout my day that are moving me in the direction I want to go. But I fail to notice or celebrate these, because they are not “big enough” or “worthy enough”. Wrong.

Saying no to that second sugary snack. Saying no to coffee at 4pm. Saying yes to an early night. Saying yes to leaving my phone behind. Saying yes to chilling rather than zooming around.

Choosing to go for the walk. Choosing not to react. Choosing not to overshare. Choosing not to act on the impulsive thought to seek reassurance.

Damnit my brain always wants the massive achievement, the monumental reward, the latest shiny thing (ha, I often refer to myself as a magpie) because I’ve tricked myself into thinking that’s the REAL win.

But those tiny decisions deserve just as much love. That’s discipline in action. That is showing up when no one is watching. When it’s just me and my creator. That’s where the real sh*t happens. The make or breaks.

Life is made up of those tiny decisions. And I think that’s what I wanted to remind you of today, to Celebrate EVERYTHING.

The small wins. The big wins. The things nobody else notices. The things you almost dismissed because they seemed too insignificant to count. REALLY…my friend… see how much work you are doing. And really see how GOOD YOU ALREADY ARE. It’s f*cking hard out there at the minute. Just living life can feel difficult sometimes with all the wars inside our minds and silent wars we’re fighting outside. You’re. Doing. Good.

My goodness. You are full of love. And you are so loved already! I’ve been thinking a lot about something Eckhart Tolle said about our state of being. The idea that the being underneath everything doesn’t need improving. Of course, our external circumstances can improve. Our habits can improve. Our relationships can improve. Our finances can improve. But that soul underneath it all? That spirit within? That is already whole.

You don’t have to earn your right to be here by becoming the most disciplined, successful, healthy, productive or impressive version of yourself. You can work towards those things. You can want more. You can change. You can grow. And you can do all of that without ever making yourself wrong, or less of a human, for where you are today. Chilling can be winning, too. And sometimes, less is more. Keep it simple and all that jazz.

So celebrate everything. Look at how much you do, rather than everything you don’t. Notice the tiny victories.

And fucking love yourself.

I wrote this second half as I danced around the kitchen alone with my headphones in. And I hope you now go and do the same. 🙂

All my love to you, my fellow passenger. Chlo x